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My friend Damonicus, who still lives back in beautiful Springfield, Oregon, sent me this email meme to complete. Sadly, Damoniac isn’t cool enough to have a LiveJournal, being one of those trendy sorts who prefers FaceBook; thus, because I’m such a swell friend, I shall humiliate the poor sap in absentia by posting his responses here in my LJ.

No wonder why I have so few real-world friends!

At some point, I may follow through with my own responses, which won’t be nearly as entertaining as those from Damon-in-the-rough.

If anyone knows any nice, intelligent, reasonably attractive girls / women between 25 and “39” with no kids, a sense of humor, and a tolerance for bad puns and Godzilla movies, who might be interested in a non-drinking, non-smoking, never married, college-educated, extremely talkative guy with a stable job and no felony convictions or disfiguring scars, e- me with contact info (or FaceBook page info) and I’ll pass it along. No “hot young Russian girls looking for love” need apply.


If you opened this, PLEASE fill it out! Learn 45 things about your friends, and let them learn 45 things about you! Send back to me and to several more friends !!

1. Do you like blue cheese? Not even if it's the only kind in existence.
Not even Roquefort?

2. Have you ever smoked? Marijuana 2x in college.
Straight arrow, this guy, without being an uptight religious fanatic. Or religious at all. One time I thought he was gonna get clobbered at work when he referred to the “myth” of Samson, from the Bible! Our religious co-werkers were far less tolerant than, say, those docile true believers in Quo Vadis.

3. Do you own a gun? Do Star Trek plastic toys count?
He’ll regale you with tales of his sharpshooting expertise when, as a teenager, he visited a rifle range and impressed some military types with his eagle-eye, but he’s quite opposed to violence of any sort. Except make-believe video game and RPG (games, not grenades) violence.

4. What flavor of Kool Aid was your favorite? Grape
Oh yeah!

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Yes, I have a pathological fear of doctors and dentists, hence I keep myself in excellent health to avoid visits. (I slipped and fell twice on ice this winter doing my job of being a postman, but didn't go near the doc's due to this pathology.)
Ask him about his semi-color blindness, it’s pretty funny. Don't ask him about his semi-flat feet, he'll whine.

6. What do you think of hot dogs? I think if your dog's hot, you should give him/her water to cool down.

7. Favorite Christmas movie? The Nightmare Before Xmas. Tim Burton is GAWD.
He likes Neil Gaiman, too.

8. Favorite thing to drink in the morning? Chocolate weight-loss shake (gotta try to keep my girlish high school figure ... did I mention I'm still a GUY?)
I guess nobody has called him “stick boy” in a while.

9 . Can you do push ups? Yup, and will start doing them again once my arm heals from the bone-bruise or stress-fracture I gave it slipping down stairs.
Oh yeah, that reminds me... 101 for 101 days, starting tomorrow.

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? I'm a guy ... I don't wear jewelry. Unless I ever meet someone and get married, I probably never will.
No tatts, either.

11. Favorite hobby? Reading epic and comic fantasies, playing Dungeons & Dragons with my friends (yes, we still do that), World of Warcraft on the computer, lots of movies (Netflix and theatre), and yakking my friends' ears off about useless trivia.
Plus, hanging out in comic book shops, collecting Godzilla stuff, and he used to be an oh-so-clever cartoonist!

12.. Do you have A.D.D.? I don't think so; I believe I'm pretty ... OH LOOK, a PUPPY!
For realz!

13. What's one trait you hate about yourself? My arms are still pencil-thin, despite exercizing to fix it. What's up with that?
Still, he manages to heft and hurl a 16-pound bowling ball with ease!

14. Middle name? None, I had it surgically removed.
If you’re familiar with old-time film actors (or voiceover artists from Jay Ward productions; or early F-Troop episodes) it comes between “Edward” and “Horton.”

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment.
a) I wish I had more in common with "normal" people, so I could actually get a date in this town.
b) I should get to work planning the next adventure for my unsuspecting friends' campaign.
c) Why do the worst things always seem to happen to my sister when she's just about to feel good about life?
Yes, he genuinely cares about his little sister. And his mommy.

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Caffeine-free Diet Pepsi, Water, and Weight-loss shakes.
Jeez, if this guy were on caffeine...

17. Current worry? How the frak am I ever going to dig myself out of debt?
He’s not that far in debt. I mean, c’mon, ten-year veteran postal worker’s salary! Living by himself, he kind of has an eBay / Amazon compulsion... to which I can relate all too well!

18. Current hate right now? My monstrous debt.
At least he worries about it! Like I said, it’s not that “monstrous.”

19. Favorite place to be? Hawaii, body-surfing on Oahu with my friend, Dave ... and/or wandering around Japan's temples and shrines.
Awww... I merited a mention! Boogie-boarding down in Waikiki and over at Sandy’s was a blast... even though we were awful at it!

20. How did you bring in the new year? with friends who also "celebrate" my bday at the same time (cuz it's Dec. 30th); home-made spaghetti and German choc cake; semi-alone cuz I had no one to smoochify at midnight.
Sketti! I know people who like sketti!

21. Where would you like to go? Australia, Scandinavia, England/Scotland/Ireland, Egypt (for the pyramids, not the Muslim insanity)
And he’s planning a return-trip to Japan in the near future.

22. Name three people who might complete this:
A) Jersey
B) Niki
One’s his sister, one’s one of his longest-term friends, dunno the other one. You'll notice my name is conspicuously absent from this list.

23. Do you own slippers? You betcha: normal, suede-n-wool ones I've got on now, and "Godzilla Feet" huge ones I wear for special occasions.
Kinda like Fred MacMurray in My Three Sons, only without the pipe and newspaper. But with fluffy Godzilla feet.

24. What shirt are you wearing? XXL lite-blue Underdog tee-shirt I use for lounging around the house after work ... it was a present from Kathy and Julie, those cuties!
He has clever, creative, friends well-versed in popular culture.

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? Nope, I prefer flannel, even in summer (that way I can keep the a/c on all night long *hehehe*)
No first-hand knowledge about this.

26. Can you whistle? Yup, just not spectacularly or necessarily in tune.
He likes to sing bawdy songs, too.

27. Favorite color? Small palette: dark blue, black, and grey
And Godzilla-green!

28. Would you be a pirate? I'd rather be a ninja, but a Ninja Pirate would be AWESOME.
He looks kinda like a pirate sometimes. What with the eyepatch and all.

29. What songs do you sing in the AM? Stephen Lynch (voice of an angel, mind of degenerate) or Al Yankovic.
That would be Weird Al Yankovic. And I was kidding about the eyepatch.

30. Favorite Girl's Name: Harmony or Melody (if I ever have twin girls, these are their names)
I woulda guessed Gertude and Bertha, so this is news to me.

31. Favorite boy's name: Alexander (Xander, for short) or Random (get it? Random Noyes ... *hehehe*)
Did I mention “tolerance for puns”?

32. What's in your pocket right now? My dark grey sweats have some lint, but that's more than if I were wearing jeans.
Mister Clean Jeans!

33. Last thing that made you laugh? Last night, watching Skylar's attempt to provoke a hangover by drinking an ocean of alcohol (that's why I don't drink ... to laugh at my inebriated friends)
As I mentioned -- non-drinker, but not an uptight, holier-than-thou non-drinker!

34. What vehicle do you drive? 2005 Toyota Corolla
Nice car, runs dependably, back seat full of D&D materials.

35. Worst injury you've ever had? Never broken a bone or required hospitalization. My recent "trip" down slippery stairs and subsequent bruised left leg muscle and left arm have been paining me for nearly a week ... that's the worst so far.
Crashed into a tree while skiing when he was a kid, got a concussion.

36. Do you love where you live? Abso-frakkin'-lutely
Centrally located to all kinds of fun outdoor activities, including skiing into trees.

37. How many TVs do you have in your house? Two ... Living room and bedroom.
Nice new sofa for slouching on in front of the TV, too!

38. Who is your loudest friend? Vlad, hands down. If you haven't heard his laugh, just come to Eugene and go see a movie with us. Never had so many people turn around looking for the source of "That laugh".
Apparently “Vlad” actually had his name legally changed to... “Vlad.”

39. Do you have any pets? Four Feline-Americans: Bubastis (going on 17 yrs, probably will be dying soon; my first "baby", I'm already in the mourning process); Horus, 13 yr old male (super-cute, but sharp as a sack of wet mice); the twins, Romulus and Remus (6 yrs old)
But he likes girls... really!

40. Does someone have a crush on you? Not to my knowledge, and even if someone did, I'm oblivious to things like that ... I prefer a woman to let me know, or else I'll never get a clue.
True, that!

41. Your favorite book(s): Robert Jordan's "Wheel of Time" series; Terry Pratchett's "Discworld" novels; old school Stephen King; Jim Butcher's "Dresden Files" series.
This guy has read more books, probably in any single month, than I have read in my entire life! He is ALWAYS reading!

42. Do you collect anything? Godzilla memorabilia (statues, posters, signed pics, vinyl figures, etc); Superhero dvds; comics (have I reminded you I'm a complete geek?)
He’s narrowed his focus in recent years, thinning the hoard considerably. You can actually walk into every room in his place now!

43. Favorite Sports Team? I'm not a sports guy (remember when I said I wish I had "normal" interests?), but if I have to choose ... Oakland Raiders.
Like me, he’s not a sports guy. Seriously not. To the point where it brought us both some grief during our postal clerk days. Yes, co-werkers complained to management because we didn't talk about sports. And because we worked faster than the old-timers while we talked about things other than sports. No, I am not making this up, nor am I exaggerating, even slightly.

44. What song do you want played at your funeral? If I can swing it, I want Al Yankovic to write an original masterpiece for me. Or Stephen Lynch ... whichever one of them I can afford, or is still alive and kicking.
Hard to conceive of such a lively guy being dead, actually. Fool or not, I suspect he’ll live to be 103, by Jiminy!

45. Favorite classic car? 1967 or 1969 Ford Mustang (didn't make a '68 model apparently, or I'd choose that cuz it's my birth-year); I'm a complete gremlin when it comes to repairing things (ie: I make things worse), but always wanted to try to "rebuild" a relatively simple automobile like a 'stang in my garage ... when I have a house ... and a garage ... and tools ... and I'm out of debt.
Ask him about the time he broke his dad’s torque wrench. How do you break a torque wrench?

Oh, and, just so’s ya know I’m not really a total scumbag... I received permission, in writing, from The Damonator to post this. He is interested in hearing of any responses! (Did I mention his ego-centric nature?)


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 2nd, 2009 01:14 pm (UTC)
He sounds like a good guy. How old is he? I hope what I'm about to say comes across gently and kindly (because he does sound very sweet), but I see he wants a "nice, intelligent, reasonably attractive woman between 25 and '39' with no kids" and that immediately sets him up for some reeeeeally heavy competition. A woman like that, (relatively young, with a great personality and no dependents) is what every recently-divorced middle-aged "player" in Portland wants, too. Your friend needs to meet someone who is looking for what he has to offer . . . probably not a career woman who wants a "suit" in a Lexus . . . maybe someone who is a little older, or whose niceness and intelligence weren't appreciated in a prior relationship and left her with kids and responsibilities, and an appreciation for a nice, non-flashy guy.

I'm assuming he's done the internet dating sites; has he ever gone the Craigslist route? I know two down-to-earth single friends of mine check the Vancouver/Seattle ones when they're lonely. Of course there's quite a wide variety of people there --- but the nice guys usually shine through.
Jan. 3rd, 2009 05:58 am (UTC)
Part I

1. Do you like blue cheese? No. Not even real Roquefort.

2. Have you ever smoked? Half a cigarette once, in my early 20s. I was really depressed one day, and just for the heck of it I bummed a cigarette off a co-werker, Gerry (who played lead guitar in a local band called the Plastic Americans), just because it seemed like a worldly sort of thing to do when you’re depressed. Despite my long hair and Eugene, Oregon (aka Hippie Central) roots, I do not, and have not, partaken of weed, grass, hemp, mary-jane, reefer, cannabis, or pakalolo. But A Child’s Garden of Grass by Jack Margolis and Richard Clorfene is one of the funniest books I have ever read.

3. Do you own a gun?
Your Papers, Please?
(Pssst! It's just a toy!)

4. What flavor of Kool-Aid was your favorite? Purple. You’d think, seeing as how both of my parents went to high school with Ken Kesey, I’d be saying “electric.” Just shows to go ya how many opportunities I’ve missed out on in my sheltered life.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Yes. Not because of the medical part, although I’ve fainted (more than once) when the needle comes out (I’m not at my best when having blood drawn). Rather, it’s because the medical staff here in Hawaii are so pretty! I mean, the dental tech where I get my teeth cleaned, Lauren, is so cute! I just become an absolute clod-hopper when I walk in there, knowing that this sweet, kind, beautiful girl is going to be looking up my nose and scraping foul-smelling gunk from under my bleeding gums. And then there was my eye exam last year. I did not expect the optometrist to be... a babe! I mean, I just shrink back to my 12-year old super-self-conscious socially inept mode in these situations.

6. What do you think of hot dogs? I think dblume is the kid who climbs on rocks, sjonsvenson is the tough kid, which leaves me as the sissy kid.

7. Favorite Christmas movie? The Mr. Magoo version of A Christmas Carol. And Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, the one with Burl Ives as Sam the Snowman.

8. Favorite thing to drink in the morning? Coca-Cola. It’s the real thing!™
9 . Can you do push ups? A few. Maybe. Uhm.. does this question have a subtext?

10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? Ya know that movie, The Mummy, with that Brendan Fraser guy? Ya know that Egyptian girl in the opening scene? What she’s wearing. Yeah.

11. Favorite hobby? Toy photography.

12.. Do you have A.D.D.? I think I fall somewhere in the autism disorder spectrum. Sometimes I catch myself rocking. And not like Elvis.

13. What's one trait you hate about yourself? I can only pick one? Too hard, next question.

14. Middle name? I share the same given name (in its formal version) as Mr. The Kid.

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment.
I could use a restroom.
My feet are cold.
I could really use a restroom!

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Coca-Cola, hot cocoa, apple juice. And now I really, really need to use the restroom!

17. Current worry? There isn’t enough time in the day to do the things I want to do.

18. Current hate right now? Uh... myself?

19. Favorite place to be? Immersed in a steamy bacchanal of hedonistic pleasure with Jopay Paguia, Haley Bennett, Nana Kitade, and Namie Amuro. Oh, and Jinky Coronado. Definitely Jinky Coronado!

Or else, asleep, perchance to dream.

20. How did you bring in the New Year (2009)? With lots & lots of fireworks. Not, however, the kind which, ideally, would have involved Jinky Coronado.

21. Where would you like to go? Back to La Tomatina!

22. Name three people who might complete this:
A) Larry
B) Moe
C) Curly Joe DeRita

Oh, wait! They're all dead! So, uh... prob'ly no one.

Jan. 3rd, 2009 06:11 am (UTC)
Part II

23. Do you own slippers? I think I still have a pair that my grandmother crocheted many years ago.

24. What shirt are you wearing? White t-shirt featuring Eric Cartman from the TV series South Park with the caption, “It’s all a bunch of tree-hugging hippie crap!”

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? I’m far too déclassé for that.

26. Can you whistle? Oh, sure, me and ol’ Arthur Pryor, we were like peas in a pod, back in the day.

27. Favorite color? Why, your eyes by candlelight, of course!

28. Would you be a pirate? Were ye’r chest ‘n’ booty t’ catch me fancy, I’d heave to fer a bit o’ timber shiverin’, aye!

29. What songs do you sing in the AM?
When the red, red robin comes bob-bob-bobbin’ along, along!
There’ll be no more sobbin’ when he starts throbbin’ that old sweet song!
Wake up! Wake up, you sleepy head!
Get up! Get up, get out of bed!
Cheer up! Cheer up, the sun is red!
Live! Love! Laugh! And be happy!

30. Favorite Girl's Name: Annabelle

31. Favorite boy's name: Baldric

32. What's in your pocket right now? A falling star, which I’m saving for a rainy day.

33. Last thing that made you laugh? One of sjonsvenson’s witty retorts.

34. What vehicle do you drive?
PT Cruiser: Series One Dream Cruiser

35. Worst injury you've ever had? Fell into the wall as a toddler, needed three stitches in my forehead.

36. Do you love where you live? I like it quite a bit. Still room for improvement, but, on my salary, I don’t think I could do much better.

37. How many TVs do you have in your house? One, 31-inch Sharp, at least 12 or 13 years old now.

38. Who is your loudest friend? My friends are all quite demure.

39. Do you have any pets? I, personally, have no pets. There are animals dwelling at this domicile, but I make no claim to them.

40. Does someone have a crush on you? Ha! Yeah, right!

41. Your favorite book(s): E. W. Howe, Daily Notes of a Trip Around the World; Patricia Lauber, Adventure at Black Rock Cave; Eleanor Cameron, The Wonderful Flight to the Mushroom Planet; Norman Bridwell, How To Care for Your Monster.

42. Do you collect anything?

43. Favorite Sports Team? Collingwood Magpies! Go, ‘Pies!

44. What song do you want played at your funeral? Nobody’s gonna come, so it won’t matter.

45. Favorite classic car? Cadillac Dual-Cowl Phæton.
Jan. 9th, 2009 02:37 am (UTC)
Stolen! I'm filling it in as I type.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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