davidd (davidd) wrote,

There's No Way a Caveman Could Do THAT....

I'm feeling ancient.

I was reading a review of the new film, Pan's Labyrinth. The film is rated R. The review notes that some elements of the film might be too intense or violent for children under 12.

Under twelve?? Like, it's rated R!

Then the review goes on to list the elements of the film that would appeal to children!

I remember when R meant restricted, recommended for people over 18. Somehow, when I wasn't looking, 18 turned into 12.

So then I'm sitting here watching, I dunno, some kind of X Games-type skiing thing on TV. They're doing half-pipe stuff, and snowboarding down mountains and rocketing over ramps, and blasting through the air on high-speed snowmobiles, and I'm watching these people flying through the air and spinning in circles and I'm thinking, "what the h*ll?!" How do they do this stuff? How do you rocket fifty feet straight up into the air, and then come back down... and survive? I remember watching skiers on TV when I was a kid, I suppose it was Wide World of Sports or something, and if anybody ended up that high in the air, when they came down they came down dead, or at the very least permanently paralyzed from the neck down.

What is it with people now? I mean, how can they do this stuff? How is it that people do stuff for fun now that used to mean certain death just a few years ago? If I were to jump off the roof of my house I'd be dead. These people are dropping from the equivalent of five storey buildings, multiple times in succession, like it's nothing.

Are people just, somehow, better now? Stronger, smarter, more agile, and more skilled? Plus, they're doing this stuff at far younger ages than ever before. Some 16 year old high school sophomore just kicked butt at a big golf tournament here on Oahu... while poor Michelle, at 17, is showing signs of being over the hill.

Today I was at a teacher in-service training with a couple of hundred other K-3 teachers. At a table near ours was a group of teachers who looked like some kind of MTV reality show. Tight tops, bare midriffs, jeans riding so low as to clearly display considerable crevice. Like, six of these chicks at one table. The look of the modern professional, I guess. It also explains why someone like me has a tough time finding a position. I definitely lack the qualifications. One of the few other males at the training spent the breaks in the lobby sleeping on the sofa with his shoes off and his bare feet propped up on the arm.

R-rated films for 12-year olds; snowboarders flying a hundred feet throught the air; high school kids becoming sports mega-stars, and Girls Gone Wild wannabees teaching kindergarten... I just want to slink back to the paleolithic era and become extinct.

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