May 8th, 2015


Garrett "Quicker than Jack" Robinson vs Hank "Jolly" Green – Now On the YouTubez

I got an email from Garret Robinson. (Who?)

He's a writer and indie film-maker. And a minion of Johnny, Sean, and Dave. (What's he written? And, uhhh... Super -, - Connery, and Tarzan?)

I subscribe to his mailing list. (Do suckers people still do that? Subscribe to email mailing lists?)

Today Garrett's email links to his latest YouTube video. (That's what email lists are all about: linkbait.)

In his YouTube video he's all fan-boying about being funded by one of his YouTube idols on Patreon. (What-treon? Another KickStarter / IndieGoGo thing?)

His YouTube idol, or one of them, anyway, is Hank Green. (Again, who? The county extension agent from Green Acres? No?)

Hank Green is, so the interwebz tell me, a writer, a science guy, and one of the VlogBrothers on YouTube. (Like Isaac Asimov? Only, I guess, still alive or something?)

Hank Green has a brother, John Green. (I know, I'm starting to sound like Woodsy Owl, but...who? And so? Are either of them jolly? Or giants? They might be. Oh, wait. That's a band. From back in the day when MTV played music videos.)

John Green, so it sez on the interwebz, is even more famous than Hank. (Because his body is mould'rin' in the grave? Wait, wrong color....)

John Green writes YA (Young Adult) novels. (Like Harry Potter? Like Twilight? Like Tom Swift and his Flying Lab?)

His novels win awards. (Very. Important. Awards. — Apparently.)

The novels feature high school teens in sexual situations. (Do explain, please; why does a novel about teens having sex win Very Important Awards and get included on recommended summer reading lists for junior high school students, but having photos of sexy high school teens on your personal computer can land you in jail?)

John Green was on Time Magazine's list of 100 Most Influential People. (Uhm... to reiterate... John who? And... what's a magazine?)

John Green makes YouTube videos and has written a half-dozen YA novels and he's one of the most influential people on the planet. (Franklin W. Dixon wrote, like, a thousand Hardy Boys young adult novels, back before young adult novels were about high school teens having sex, but I don't think he was ever considered particularly influential. Of course, Franklin W. Dixon was a pseudonym. Which is something like a snail, I think.)

Garret Robinson is really happy that Hank (remember Hank? John's brother) Green "Patreon-ized" his YouTube videos. (Garret Robinson writes ebooks about a sexy teenage assassin and her even sexier assassin older sister.)

I'm wondering — should I feel out of the loop, un-hep, or maybe just plain old for never having heard of Hank and John Green? (No. There's a world outside of YouTube, people; my life is bland, dull, and going to waste, but it's not as bland, dull, and aimless as the lives of the eight-hundred-million viewers who squander their time watching other people making lame jokes and singing folk-ballad-y songs about relationship angst on YouTube. IMHO, 'natch!)

I wonder if I could get "Patreons" to "Patreon-ize" my writing? (The slots for patronizing my writing, and me in general, are already filled, but thank you for your interest.)