April 12th, 2009


Efficiency Impaired

Sunday morning.

One of my internet friends has already gone to an antiques faire, purchased several cool items, photographed said items somewhat artistically, posted the photos, with descriptive captions, to Flickr, and blogged about the experience. All before, like, noon. After having returned from an out-of-town week-long trip yesterday evening.

I've managed to get up. Ate some chocolaty Cocoa Puffs. Went for a short walk. Futzed away some time reading Plurk and glancing at Flickr. Now it's almost noon, my time. Lunch is next, I guess. And then the day will be nearly over.

I fail.
  • Current Mood
    made o' fail

Tired. Why?

I'm tired. Pretty much all the time. Too tired to write. Too tired to read. Too tired to clean up the mess that surrounds me. Too tired to embark on any of the myriad projects I daydream about undertaking.

Why? Why am I always so tired? It's not simple lack of sleep. On the weekend, even if I sleep ten hours, by the time I get up, take a shower, and get dressed, I'm ready to crash out on the sofa for a nap.

It's not like I will fall asleep when I take a nap. But, I can lie there, doing nothing, while the minutes, and then the hours, pass. Thinking about what I would or could or should be doing, if only I felt a little more rested.

Is it simply a habit I've fallen into over the years? Maybe. I've always been a "low energy" person. It's hard to get myself going, on anything.

Is the physical sensation of tiredness a manifestation of a psychological condition? I've long heard that fatigue is a symptom of depression. Maybe low-grade depression causes continual low-grade fatigue. I know some things are bothering me a little bit right now. Nothing major, nothing insurmountable, nothing really to stress over, particularly. I must be stressed, however; I've had a "tic" in my left eye all weekend. Really annoying. It becomes more pronounced when I think about work -- I guess that tells me something right there, huh?

My ambition level is sufficient to keep me clicking among Twitter, Plurk, and Flickr, looking for new posts, seeking snippets of intellectual stimulation in 140 character bite-size bits. I haven't even felt sufficiently energetic to look at the last month or so of LJ updates.

I've read that exercise is supposed to have an invigorating effect. It doesn't work for me. When I come back from a run, even a short one, I feel like it should be nap time. Sometimes, while I'm out running, the main thought running through my mind is how nice it would be to turn around, go home, and sleep.

I don't even have the ambition to do the things I want to do. Or at least, the things I think I want to do. Maybe I don't really want to do the things I think I want to do.

I'm tired of feeling tired.