December 12th, 2007



I'm supposed to be dead. So said, at any rate, a Ouija board many years ago, in my much younger youth. Back when I was young and had no life, unlike kids today, some friends and I were playing around with a Ouija board and at one point I asked the inevitable question, "how old will I be when I die?" For some reason I always remembered the response.

That year, as foretold by Ouija, has now come and gone. I can't say the same for myself. Thus, the rumors I've heard about Ouija boards are true: THEY ARE TOOLS OF SATAN SENT TO THE WORLD TO SPREAD LIES AND DECEIT! I mean, the board said I'd be dead by now. I'm not. The board lied. Q.E.D.

(As for those scoffers who suggest trying to use the board while blindfolded... bah! Everyone knows that demons use the senses of the bodies they inhabit to function in our realm. Of course the board won't work if the user is blindfolded. Demons, unlike, say, The Flying Spaghetti Monster, are not omniscient, and cannot function if the senses of the host are impaired. Silly skeptics!)

The most significant, and disturbing, ramification of this temporal passage: I'm actually gonna have to start saving for my retirement! Yikes!