davidd (davidd) wrote,

You suck, dude!

After the brilliant Tom Lehrer animation posted by Pastilla, I am hesitant to offer my own feeble efforts. Nevertheless, there's a madness, of sorts, to my method.

Submitted for your consideration: two brief video clips (fifteen seconds and six seconds) created in Flash and, unfortunately, converted to .wmv files. So they won't play in Flash, Quicktime, or on a Mac... and me being a Mac fan, too!

Roadside Bomb

Scenic Verdun

The madness: now I've posted my feeble efforts in computer animation, and in so sacrificing myself to the cruelties of the teeming masses I have earned the right to critique the animation efforts of others. Not only have I earned the right, but I am also, obviously, highly qualified, being familiar as I am with work that totally sucks!

Of course, I cannot claim the credit for these pathetic atrocities all for myself. Indeed, I had very little direct involvement in their creation. Rather, a friend, who has since moved away, is the true genius at work, having converted an actual North Shore locale and one of the neighbor's cars into vector graphics, assembled them into a functional Flash animation, and added a suitably snappy soundtrack to create the "Roadside Bomb" clip. So what'd I bring to the mix? I suggested we blow up the truck, since in the original version all it did was disappear around the bend. And I painstakingly hand animated every frame of the exciting explosion!

As for the lovely and authentic "Verdun" sequence, I drew the original vehicle in ballpoint pen on a sheet of scratch paper. My accomplice scanned the image as a vector graphic and added the color and shading. I tried my hand at the animation, finally getting the car to move across the lovely background landscape. I added my "specialty," painstakingly hand animated pyrotechnics, and then gave up in frustration after hours of trying to get the wheels to go round. After several days of effort -- as you can see, we're a regular Hanna & Barbera at this -- my associate solved the wheel problem; although not correctly. As it stands, the computer had to re-draw the entire vehicle each time the wheels make a partial revolution. Apparently there's a method by which the wheels may be separated from the rest of the vehicle, with only the spinning bits animated. This would save considerable processor power and reduce the file size, leading to smoother running. Oh well, maybe next time. My friend looked to his extensive movie collection for the appropriate sound effects.

So really, I had virtually nothing to do with either the technical or artistic manifestation of these clips. And what little I've learned I've completely forgotten.

I so wish I could produce something as clean as the Lehrer clip, or as stupidly funny, with as nicely a synchronized audio track, as the Suicidal Watermelons cartoon.

But I'm just, you know, kinda dumb, I guess. And a bit obnoxious. Like most media reviewers, now that I think about it. Hence, qualified to be harshly judgemental about the creative efforts of others.

Like it matters what I think.

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